mourning..

Am I ready for another life test? Another phase? Or is it a fate? I am confused. I just love whatever that happen now but at the same time I feel guilty. Very guilty to this two particular person. It is supposed 'us' to feel it together.
I am hoping for a miracle. Ya Allah please give me some clear insight. If this is what have been set for me, I sincerely will accept it..but I am afraid..

hurt, pain, feelings, stupidity

"Funny" thing about feeling is; once it hits you, it hit you fucking hard and you are all welcome to feel the fucking pain in your chest! You can't do anything. Work, think, eat, do your toilet stuff. You only feel pain and stupid and weak and helpless. It is just a fuck feeling. FUCK! I hate this feeling!