2008, there's too many things happened. too many things that cant be execute. too many happiness, yet too many sadness. adat. to those who angry, to those who kecik hati, to those who merajuk, here i susun 10 jari meminta maaf. to my sayang, i still love you so very much. so much thing we've been thru together but then we managed to pull everthing and stand still as who we are before and next year, if God permits, we gonna tie the knot. Thanks Allah ! much bless for this.
family.. 1 muharram, there is so much happiness did in very smooth and such a peace way. yeah its been late for 08 but, we all together managed to put back everything at it's place just like dulu. Alhamdulillah. hoping that all the happiness will be ours forever. Amin.. love y'all so banyak !
now..
welcome to 2009. hoping that this year is wonderful year for all of us. new resolution is in mind already. to pursue the old 08 resolution is the new resolution of 2009. yep. thats for sure. and yep, yepz.. of coz there is newly res. coming in. but will execute it one by one by God permits. insyaAllah. happiness is the keyword. yes. want to keep it that way. \m/
to those who go out to celebrate it, be careful and have a swell new year.
welcome 2009, byes to 2008..
awin @ 6.32pm 31st december 2008
until she meet the pc keyboard again.
bye.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
the tagging thingy
first of all, to ms sue, manyak cantik beliau mentagging aku yg tak ramai kengkawan utk diperdajalkan di blogspot nih. ehe~! sempat lagi tuh dikala tenet tgh semput beliau mentagging beta. sangat bertuah ok.
ok here we go:
a) Sesiapa yang kena tag, kena tulis 10 sesuatu berkenaan orang yang meng-tag dia. - [even i didnt actually know her. she's our intern gal here in office about a month. ]
1-she's usually keep the quietness to herself. doin her work i guess. [tp since skrg tenet tgh semput, jd sy tahu beliau hanya memblogging, mengfb kan diri dsb, sama seperti sy :p]
2-never object what ppl's here ask her todo. yeke? :p betul laa.. kan sue?
3-never say no if i ajak her kuar for lunch. i dunno why. ngahaha. maybe she's my type jugak.suka makan.
4-keep thing for herself. there's lot of bitchy thingy yg aku muntahkan.. beliau diam je. bagus budak nih. dlm ati - yaAllah, Kau insafkan la kakwin ni.. Amin..
5-selain mcD, beliau suka big Apple & slalu cite kat aku bile time beliau makan itu donat yg lazat [sangat mendajal kan?]- which is dah bape bulan aku tak dpt2 nak makan due tu my lazyness to go to Jusco [dlm tu ada BA]
6-actually, no much thing to say about her. br kenal abt a month, how lar to tell what kind she is. ntah2 alien ke, adik badik cinderella ke.. mane tau kan? nnt aku siasat :p
7-beliau br beli handbag kaler BIRU
8-beliau nye office hour 11-6. sangat seronok kalo aku.
9-hari2 pegi Jusco tu aku rasa sbb dekat ngan umah sewa dia. huh! dh mcm kedai runcit ah beng blakang umah aku dibuatnye Jusco tu.
10-bersubahat ngan aku bab2 nak balik cepat, ngulor time opis nih. ngahahaha! [x la, kami pekerja yg baik]
b) Orang yang kena tag kena tulis 10 perkara. About yourself.
1-in 2 months time genap la umo aku 28. uwaaaa!! sangat tua!
2-im kind of mood swing in a time. but slalunye aku baik. tak caye tanye sue.
3-sayang kat bf aku. dia pun sayang aku. :D ngahahah! pape je.
4-skrg dlm program diet utk kurus & kesihatan due to special thing tat will be happen next year. insyaAllah.. for record, bf aku pun wajib di dragkan skali ke program ini.
5-got new share-hobby with..of coz la my bf. terrarium thingy ! yippiee!
6-in planning of memberhentikan diri dr menjadi staff kepada org dan menjadi bos kpd diri sendiri.
7-suka men-tenet-ing & chat sambil bergosippan dgn teman sewaktu denganku. suka bc blog, novel, [sidney shieldon & mick jackson is me fav] tp buku sangat mahal skrg. fuxx kpd penjual buku.
9-suka makan. tp scope pemakanan aku amatlah luas. [in other words, asalkan halal, hantam sajalah!]
10-sy dan bf sy sangat tembam. tp kami comel. ngahahahahha!
c) At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names. [ walau ape pun, sy tak cukup kekawan utk didajalkan dlm blogspot ni. jd yg mane ada la ye. ]
1- fai
2- lynda CG
3- green apple
4- mak mok
tak cukup lagi 6, nak lagi? go tag urself ! :D
da~!
ok here we go:
a) Sesiapa yang kena tag, kena tulis 10 sesuatu berkenaan orang yang meng-tag dia. - [even i didnt actually know her. she's our intern gal here in office about a month. ]
1-she's usually keep the quietness to herself. doin her work i guess. [tp since skrg tenet tgh semput, jd sy tahu beliau hanya memblogging, mengfb kan diri dsb, sama seperti sy :p]
2-never object what ppl's here ask her todo. yeke? :p betul laa.. kan sue?
3-never say no if i ajak her kuar for lunch. i dunno why. ngahaha. maybe she's my type jugak.suka makan.
4-keep thing for herself. there's lot of bitchy thingy yg aku muntahkan.. beliau diam je. bagus budak nih. dlm ati - yaAllah, Kau insafkan la kakwin ni.. Amin..
5-selain mcD, beliau suka big Apple & slalu cite kat aku bile time beliau makan itu donat yg lazat [sangat mendajal kan?]- which is dah bape bulan aku tak dpt2 nak makan due tu my lazyness to go to Jusco [dlm tu ada BA]
6-actually, no much thing to say about her. br kenal abt a month, how lar to tell what kind she is. ntah2 alien ke, adik badik cinderella ke.. mane tau kan? nnt aku siasat :p
7-beliau br beli handbag kaler BIRU
8-beliau nye office hour 11-6. sangat seronok kalo aku.
9-hari2 pegi Jusco tu aku rasa sbb dekat ngan umah sewa dia. huh! dh mcm kedai runcit ah beng blakang umah aku dibuatnye Jusco tu.
10-bersubahat ngan aku bab2 nak balik cepat, ngulor time opis nih. ngahahaha! [x la, kami pekerja yg baik]
b) Orang yang kena tag kena tulis 10 perkara. About yourself.
1-in 2 months time genap la umo aku 28. uwaaaa!! sangat tua!
2-im kind of mood swing in a time. but slalunye aku baik. tak caye tanye sue.
3-sayang kat bf aku. dia pun sayang aku. :D ngahahah! pape je.
4-skrg dlm program diet utk kurus & kesihatan due to special thing tat will be happen next year. insyaAllah.. for record, bf aku pun wajib di dragkan skali ke program ini.
5-got new share-hobby with..of coz la my bf. terrarium thingy ! yippiee!
6-in planning of memberhentikan diri dr menjadi staff kepada org dan menjadi bos kpd diri sendiri.
7-suka men-tenet-ing & chat sambil bergosippan dgn teman sewaktu denganku. suka bc blog, novel, [sidney shieldon & mick jackson is me fav] tp buku sangat mahal skrg. fuxx kpd penjual buku.
9-suka makan. tp scope pemakanan aku amatlah luas. [in other words, asalkan halal, hantam sajalah!]
10-sy dan bf sy sangat tembam. tp kami comel. ngahahahahha!
c) At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names. [ walau ape pun, sy tak cukup kekawan utk didajalkan dlm blogspot ni. jd yg mane ada la ye. ]
1- fai
2- lynda CG
3- green apple
4- mak mok
tak cukup lagi 6, nak lagi? go tag urself ! :D
da~!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
lazy thingy
today i feel so lazy to do my tasks. plus ive found something that is not nice in the office that's really turn me off to be rajin. hurmm.. lemme keep it to myself. its between me and this 'polan'. i will deal with this 'polan' soon. "under table" konon..
hiyarhgg ! lazy! lazy! lazy! as long as i remember, ive been lazy-ness for not more than 3 times a month. haha! its real lazy u know.. im almost not keen to do anything, not even look at my task. but what to do..opis ni bukan mak abah aku punye..haha! but the internet is suxxy to the core. kura2 lagi laju dia jalan..
ok, dah pasal opis
opps..she's been out! arghh! ni lagi satu punye hal. i really dont get it why adik beradik must quarel to each other. (sbb aku yg cerite ni of coz bukan aku yg involve ek?!)
but, tak pasal la aku kene involve. dah namanya kakak aku kan.. i dont want to be in d middle but i have to. she's older 3 years than me. we both boleh kira dah sama2 tua la..(ops, correction, dia je tua, aku matang..hihihi) if she with my younger sister of coz la bercakar. haih! x paham.
cite punye cite.. she's like merajuk. and u knw what, im just sick of it! ah. i wont waste my time to persuade her la. she's just stubborn like my other sister. (aku je baik tau. sbb aku ni rawk & brutal \m/ ) xde maknanye merajuk2 nih. kalo nak sgt tgk aku merajuk, takut kang sumer org takut nk pujuk aku..ngahaha!
ok stop pasal kakak.
now about what's gonna happen thru this weekend. first, there is christmas eve just around the corner and of course after that new year eve.. best. cuti. of coz. haha! then, i applied leave on this friday, (26/12). then on 28th got kenduri doa selamat at kampung plus there is special thing will be happen on the kenduri. *wink wink*
lama siot cuti. 5 hari. rasa mcm nak sambung je smpai 1hb. hahaha! baru la meraban momo cari aku..! xpe a.. cuti bukannye ada dah. tunggu next year aku kompol2 cuti pastu end year nk gi cuti2 asia ke..cuti2 europe ke.. hehe bape byk cuti da..
ok, actually i've alotsa thing to share. but im just lazy to type. haih! ni pun dah byk pe! haha wait for my guts to be pure diligently till i feel to write again. hihi~!
haihs! lazy again.. no? yeslah.. feel like balik early. but im a good staff y'all know.. (heh!)
what's my plan this week b4 balik kg? hmm.. take leave on friday. going to buy few things, settle few things on that day i suppose. ohya..not to forget, im now strictly in fitness schedule. pagi2 jogging. malam2 pun kadang2 jogging. sblm tdo compulsory to take one glass of slimming tea. hihihi! sangat beria aku lately. ntah nape. need to get back my old shape that gone these few years at least before march next year. hui tak lama lagi tu..but this stomach is craving for more food right after i do sort of exercise. saje je. but must tahan wann. if not, this wont work. i need to be discipline. but how? now im in lazy mode.. can it be switch depends on where am i located, time, and what am i doing at that time? ihihihi... ishh..too much excuses..
oklah..ntah tatau nk tulis ape lagi.. now tgh lazy.. but nak wat keje.. haha! pa pe ntah..
daa..~!
soalan : is it wrong to be lazy once a while? hehehe.. pembaca yg tak ramai, sila jawab.
hiyarhgg ! lazy! lazy! lazy! as long as i remember, ive been lazy-ness for not more than 3 times a month. haha! its real lazy u know.. im almost not keen to do anything, not even look at my task. but what to do..opis ni bukan mak abah aku punye..haha! but the internet is suxxy to the core. kura2 lagi laju dia jalan..
ok, dah pasal opis
opps..she's been out! arghh! ni lagi satu punye hal. i really dont get it why adik beradik must quarel to each other. (sbb aku yg cerite ni of coz bukan aku yg involve ek?!)
but, tak pasal la aku kene involve. dah namanya kakak aku kan.. i dont want to be in d middle but i have to. she's older 3 years than me. we both boleh kira dah sama2 tua la..(ops, correction, dia je tua, aku matang..hihihi) if she with my younger sister of coz la bercakar. haih! x paham.
cite punye cite.. she's like merajuk. and u knw what, im just sick of it! ah. i wont waste my time to persuade her la. she's just stubborn like my other sister. (aku je baik tau. sbb aku ni rawk & brutal \m/ ) xde maknanye merajuk2 nih. kalo nak sgt tgk aku merajuk, takut kang sumer org takut nk pujuk aku..ngahaha!
ok stop pasal kakak.
now about what's gonna happen thru this weekend. first, there is christmas eve just around the corner and of course after that new year eve.. best. cuti. of coz. haha! then, i applied leave on this friday, (26/12). then on 28th got kenduri doa selamat at kampung plus there is special thing will be happen on the kenduri. *wink wink*
lama siot cuti. 5 hari. rasa mcm nak sambung je smpai 1hb. hahaha! baru la meraban momo cari aku..! xpe a.. cuti bukannye ada dah. tunggu next year aku kompol2 cuti pastu end year nk gi cuti2 asia ke..cuti2 europe ke.. hehe bape byk cuti da..
ok, actually i've alotsa thing to share. but im just lazy to type. haih! ni pun dah byk pe! haha wait for my guts to be pure diligently till i feel to write again. hihi~!
haihs! lazy again.. no? yeslah.. feel like balik early. but im a good staff y'all know.. (heh!)
what's my plan this week b4 balik kg? hmm.. take leave on friday. going to buy few things, settle few things on that day i suppose. ohya..not to forget, im now strictly in fitness schedule. pagi2 jogging. malam2 pun kadang2 jogging. sblm tdo compulsory to take one glass of slimming tea. hihihi! sangat beria aku lately. ntah nape. need to get back my old shape that gone these few years at least before march next year. hui tak lama lagi tu..but this stomach is craving for more food right after i do sort of exercise. saje je. but must tahan wann. if not, this wont work. i need to be discipline. but how? now im in lazy mode.. can it be switch depends on where am i located, time, and what am i doing at that time? ihihihi... ishh..too much excuses..
oklah..ntah tatau nk tulis ape lagi.. now tgh lazy.. but nak wat keje.. haha! pa pe ntah..
daa..~!
soalan : is it wrong to be lazy once a while? hehehe.. pembaca yg tak ramai, sila jawab.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
tanpa hati hati
lari lari aku terjah mati
kusut kusut aku amat sekali
buat itu ini sakit jiwa sekali
kian kian rasa mahu ku berhenti..
tinggal tinggal mati..sepi sepi
kasihan kasihan malu sekali..
rebah punah itu pasti ya pasti
baik pulih itu jarang jarang sekali
kadang kadang nun jauh sekali
hanya hanya dalam hati
ingin ingin aku cuma cuma buatlah
satu satu saja di hidupan ini
beri beri aku peluang Ya Alghaffar
mohon mohon ampun setiap hari, waktu dan detik
ketika tika aku terpesong kehampaan
ketika tika aku terlupa hanyutan
ikut ikut hasut oleh ahli ahli laknat
nafsu nafsu lemah..
dasar dasar mereka
ahh..enak sekali..
tapi mati..
moga moga diri ini tidak sepi
mati mati hina hina diri
ahh..kosong sekali..
lawan lawan hati ini sangkal sangkal
ingatan..
buruk buruk apa saja..
Ya Rabbal Alamin
tenang tenangkan lah hati ini..
agar agar kasih kasih
bersemadi..
dalam dalam hati
apa apa yang benar ini..
fikir fikirlah
wahai diri diri itu dan ini..
kusut kusut aku amat sekali
buat itu ini sakit jiwa sekali
kian kian rasa mahu ku berhenti..
tinggal tinggal mati..sepi sepi
kasihan kasihan malu sekali..
rebah punah itu pasti ya pasti
baik pulih itu jarang jarang sekali
kadang kadang nun jauh sekali
hanya hanya dalam hati
ingin ingin aku cuma cuma buatlah
satu satu saja di hidupan ini
beri beri aku peluang Ya Alghaffar
mohon mohon ampun setiap hari, waktu dan detik
ketika tika aku terpesong kehampaan
ketika tika aku terlupa hanyutan
ikut ikut hasut oleh ahli ahli laknat
nafsu nafsu lemah..
dasar dasar mereka
ahh..enak sekali..
tapi mati..
moga moga diri ini tidak sepi
mati mati hina hina diri
ahh..kosong sekali..
lawan lawan hati ini sangkal sangkal
ingatan..
buruk buruk apa saja..
Ya Rabbal Alamin
tenang tenangkan lah hati ini..
agar agar kasih kasih
bersemadi..
dalam dalam hati
apa apa yang benar ini..
fikir fikirlah
wahai diri diri itu dan ini..
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
a howler of the crestfallen mortal [on digital painting]
ehehe..somebody did this for me. and my previous poem were on it ! :p thank youuu soooo much sayang!! i loveeeeeee you very the strong bebeh..!! :)
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
a howler of the crestfallen mortal
I strived so hard to delighting you
but of the whole thing I act
presently creates a superior chaos of things
and from time to time I spoil you
I crave to do my finest with you
as a replacement, I complete my nastiest
The stuff I shouldn't worry with
I handle to put at the foremost
I suppose that I just concern too much
when on earth you are close to me
even though you're forever tender
thus there's none of there to fear
But since you mean a lot to me
I guess I'll always try
But botch up everything instead
Until the last breath of mine
but of the whole thing I act
presently creates a superior chaos of things
and from time to time I spoil you
I crave to do my finest with you
as a replacement, I complete my nastiest
The stuff I shouldn't worry with
I handle to put at the foremost
I suppose that I just concern too much
when on earth you are close to me
even though you're forever tender
thus there's none of there to fear
But since you mean a lot to me
I guess I'll always try
But botch up everything instead
Until the last breath of mine
Monday, December 8, 2008
loloskan diri dari kaosan
kau disana dipembaringan
teroleng2 oleh keruhan
terbuai2 oleh indahnya drama tidur
tatkala matamu terpejam sayup ..termimpi indah
bersama kaki yg bergesel
yang menjadi bantuan semoga terlena
sebuah peniduran
aku disini
tidak dibenarkan bermimpi
indah sepertimana kau disana
aku harap kau datanglah memeluk, memujukku
meredakan setiap sadisan yang tak bisa
dibuang..lagi dan lagi..
apakah harus kuperbuat
agar setiap akting, gerak gaya
serta omonganku menjadi inspirasi
perancangan hidupmu waktunya depan
aku tak seperti kau wacanakan harap..
dalam agenda bentukan gaya hidup sapertimu..
aku bukan saperti mereka..
tidak beroleh ilham sebagaimana yang diujar
kutahu impianmu, kau tahu impianku?
aku cuma hanyalah cuma yang biasa saja
tak ada bakatan apakan upaya
mengisi gembira yang kau harap
haruskah harus aku bersendiri
bersendiri lagi untuk
membagi ruang pada kau
realisasi impian bersama
yang sepadan
apakah aku ini ditakdirkan
bergerak saja bagi kau laluan
yang sejauh ini tersekat
oleh hadirnya aku sa-umpama
batu dipersimpangannya jalan
yang memanaskan hatinya insan-insan
yang mahu bersama kau gembira
aku pun belalu
loloskan diri dari kaosan ini
moga bersamanya harapan
kasih bersemadi mekar disanubari
tanpa aku
tinggallah sendiri..sendiri lagi..
a w i n @ 3.15am
teroleng2 oleh keruhan
terbuai2 oleh indahnya drama tidur
tatkala matamu terpejam sayup ..termimpi indah
bersama kaki yg bergesel
yang menjadi bantuan semoga terlena
sebuah peniduran
aku disini
tidak dibenarkan bermimpi
indah sepertimana kau disana
aku harap kau datanglah memeluk, memujukku
meredakan setiap sadisan yang tak bisa
dibuang..lagi dan lagi..
apakah harus kuperbuat
agar setiap akting, gerak gaya
serta omonganku menjadi inspirasi
perancangan hidupmu waktunya depan
aku tak seperti kau wacanakan harap..
dalam agenda bentukan gaya hidup sapertimu..
aku bukan saperti mereka..
tidak beroleh ilham sebagaimana yang diujar
kutahu impianmu, kau tahu impianku?
aku cuma hanyalah cuma yang biasa saja
tak ada bakatan apakan upaya
mengisi gembira yang kau harap
haruskah harus aku bersendiri
bersendiri lagi untuk
membagi ruang pada kau
realisasi impian bersama
yang sepadan
apakah aku ini ditakdirkan
bergerak saja bagi kau laluan
yang sejauh ini tersekat
oleh hadirnya aku sa-umpama
batu dipersimpangannya jalan
yang memanaskan hatinya insan-insan
yang mahu bersama kau gembira
aku pun belalu
loloskan diri dari kaosan ini
moga bersamanya harapan
kasih bersemadi mekar disanubari
tanpa aku
tinggallah sendiri..sendiri lagi..
a w i n @ 3.15am
cahaya dibilik sepah [kau yang mau]
disitu cahaya dibiliknya sepah
terpancar oleh percikannya laiter
yang dipacu lemah
dia saorang di hampir sore
pikir dan pikir
stress jadinya
[kau yang mau]
dia itu kau, kau itu aku
apakah menungan bermakna
bawa erti kepada si pelihat itu,
si pendengar itu
yang senantiasa ada problema
dengan dia
kaukah? ya..kau itu aku..
yaa akhirnya aku saja..
entahnya bila ya akhiran ini samua
apakah hujungannya berantakan
tak mampu kawal lagi emosi
siapa?
ya..dia.. [kau yang mau]
awin - diambang sore @ 3.30am
terpancar oleh percikannya laiter
yang dipacu lemah
dia saorang di hampir sore
pikir dan pikir
stress jadinya
[kau yang mau]
dia itu kau, kau itu aku
apakah menungan bermakna
bawa erti kepada si pelihat itu,
si pendengar itu
yang senantiasa ada problema
dengan dia
kaukah? ya..kau itu aku..
yaa akhirnya aku saja..
entahnya bila ya akhiran ini samua
apakah hujungannya berantakan
tak mampu kawal lagi emosi
siapa?
ya..dia.. [kau yang mau]
awin - diambang sore @ 3.30am
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
your windows of life
there's a YOU
YOU see everything through YOUR windows of life.
YOU believed YOU'd know everything that happened around YOU.. thru your window.
but its YOUR mistake.
YOU see what YOU think its right or wrong. ohh yes. thats it. its true. nahh, its wrong.. ahh..
so, more assumptions came out from YOUR head.
and sometimes from YOUR mouth. YOUr not-so-nice mouth.
other people look at YOU, listen at YOU, curious about YOU.
and this people started to dig deeply.
but sadly YOU proudly continue YOUr thinkwrong-talkwrong-out loud.
its like there's a bell on every inch of YOUR body. kling kling kling! ohh.. or ring ring ringggg !!
but what YOU not realize is ..
YOU not gonna be bonded to anybody
one day, YOU''ll be alone.
and that's the lesson for YOU.
YOU will face it through the hard way.
tears are not welcome at that time
because its too late for YOU to repent
to take back, to rewind back the situation.
its because YOU think that YOU know so much in life.
nahh, its just through YOUr windows of life.
YOUR incorrect windows
that which if YOU comprehend, there are so many windows in life..
with different views, echos and scents..
YOU even can see life through the special one.. the door..
so be it..face it..sorry it..
learn it next time.
that IF
there is still have this 'next time' for YOU.
:: THE WINDOW ::
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
me fatigue contemplation
i've been think a lot lately.. about me future, about what gonna happen in next phase of my life, about what had happened, about what is goin on now..
me damn tired. tired to do the same thing, facing the same old situation in my life.
i'm craving for changes. changes here i mean everything. yes. EVERYTHING.. my personal self development, my lovelife, my own life. i need all this to be changed. but how am i gonna do this?
im 27 now. all can i say..yes..thats pretty old i suppose..but what is my best achievement till now? yes, i think getting my life lot more miserable from time to time.. i want to do something that can make me proud of myself. not just me, but my jads, family and friends.
i dont get single chance? i dont think so..there's so much chances i had to let it go. just like that. becoz of what? im not that strong. im not that ambitious. yes. i know my self pretty well.
am gonna tie the knot next year if God permits. but am i ready for this? i think, yes. of course. this is what most of the woman want. its like, the most lofty desire, and achievement that can make them proud of themselves. it makes their life totally complete. and after that, having a children, a grandchild so etc's. yes. thats what i want too. of course.
but, as time goes by, im getting agonized. im scared. this is what i want, but in meantime, its also haunt me. my head splitting into two parts. one part is so excited, cant wait for this to happen, while the other is fretted.
ahh..is this normal?
most of my friends says so.. yup. probably. i've been thru a scores of numerous episode in me life. nice, bad, sad, happy. all.. a lot.. suppose that i am that tough now to face the upcoming.
yes. perhaps.
its not that i cant do this for being such a jerky. im soo sincerely blessed. that God creates somebody to be there for me. to be my shoulder to cry on whenever i am miserable. be my other half for my entire life.
its just that, i am reflects to what i preserve to contribute to my me. my companion. my family. my people. friends, community and everyone. i dont get enough of it. i want to give more. i want to share tons of happiness with them with my contribution. then it will satisfy me.
i sense that i just think too much. yes? i have my spot now. what else? i suppose neither some of me nor some of other people in this world can attain as what i hold now. yes, i blessed for there is lotsa anyone elses can't afford to go this far. its not that much, but its fine enuf. im proud of it. thanks.
yes, i guess i will just stop right here or else am going to let myself talk crap.
oh yea, this is my latest post as i didnt blogging for such an extended time. its my lethargic thingy i think.. apparently, i knew there is nobody gonna read my blog anyways. hehe..
till next time. (i guess) . pray for my bright future life.
-awin-
me damn tired. tired to do the same thing, facing the same old situation in my life.
i'm craving for changes. changes here i mean everything. yes. EVERYTHING.. my personal self development, my lovelife, my own life. i need all this to be changed. but how am i gonna do this?
im 27 now. all can i say..yes..thats pretty old i suppose..but what is my best achievement till now? yes, i think getting my life lot more miserable from time to time.. i want to do something that can make me proud of myself. not just me, but my jads, family and friends.
i dont get single chance? i dont think so..there's so much chances i had to let it go. just like that. becoz of what? im not that strong. im not that ambitious. yes. i know my self pretty well.
am gonna tie the knot next year if God permits. but am i ready for this? i think, yes. of course. this is what most of the woman want. its like, the most lofty desire, and achievement that can make them proud of themselves. it makes their life totally complete. and after that, having a children, a grandchild so etc's. yes. thats what i want too. of course.
but, as time goes by, im getting agonized. im scared. this is what i want, but in meantime, its also haunt me. my head splitting into two parts. one part is so excited, cant wait for this to happen, while the other is fretted.
ahh..is this normal?
most of my friends says so.. yup. probably. i've been thru a scores of numerous episode in me life. nice, bad, sad, happy. all.. a lot.. suppose that i am that tough now to face the upcoming.
yes. perhaps.
its not that i cant do this for being such a jerky. im soo sincerely blessed. that God creates somebody to be there for me. to be my shoulder to cry on whenever i am miserable. be my other half for my entire life.
its just that, i am reflects to what i preserve to contribute to my me. my companion. my family. my people. friends, community and everyone. i dont get enough of it. i want to give more. i want to share tons of happiness with them with my contribution. then it will satisfy me.
i sense that i just think too much. yes? i have my spot now. what else? i suppose neither some of me nor some of other people in this world can attain as what i hold now. yes, i blessed for there is lotsa anyone elses can't afford to go this far. its not that much, but its fine enuf. im proud of it. thanks.
yes, i guess i will just stop right here or else am going to let myself talk crap.
oh yea, this is my latest post as i didnt blogging for such an extended time. its my lethargic thingy i think.. apparently, i knew there is nobody gonna read my blog anyways. hehe..
till next time. (i guess) . pray for my bright future life.
-awin-
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