i've been think a lot lately.. about me future, about what gonna happen in next phase of my life, about what had happened, about what is goin on now..
me damn tired. tired to do the same thing, facing the same old situation in my life.
i'm craving for changes. changes here i mean everything. yes. EVERYTHING.. my personal self development, my lovelife, my own life. i need all this to be changed. but how am i gonna do this?
im 27 now. all can i say..yes..thats pretty old i suppose..but what is my best achievement till now? yes, i think getting my life lot more miserable from time to time.. i want to do something that can make me proud of myself. not just me, but my jads, family and friends.
i dont get single chance? i dont think so..there's so much chances i had to let it go. just like that. becoz of what? im not that strong. im not that ambitious. yes. i know my self pretty well.
am gonna tie the knot next year if God permits. but am i ready for this? i think, yes. of course. this is what most of the woman want. its like, the most lofty desire, and achievement that can make them proud of themselves. it makes their life totally complete. and after that, having a children, a grandchild so etc's. yes. thats what i want too. of course.
but, as time goes by, im getting agonized. im scared. this is what i want, but in meantime, its also haunt me. my head splitting into two parts. one part is so excited, cant wait for this to happen, while the other is fretted.
ahh..is this normal?
most of my friends says so.. yup. probably. i've been thru a scores of numerous episode in me life. nice, bad, sad, happy. all.. a lot.. suppose that i am that tough now to face the upcoming.
yes. perhaps.
its not that i cant do this for being such a jerky. im soo sincerely blessed. that God creates somebody to be there for me. to be my shoulder to cry on whenever i am miserable. be my other half for my entire life.
its just that, i am reflects to what i preserve to contribute to my me. my companion. my family. my people. friends, community and everyone. i dont get enough of it. i want to give more. i want to share tons of happiness with them with my contribution. then it will satisfy me.
i sense that i just think too much. yes? i have my spot now. what else? i suppose neither some of me nor some of other people in this world can attain as what i hold now. yes, i blessed for there is lotsa anyone elses can't afford to go this far. its not that much, but its fine enuf. im proud of it. thanks.
yes, i guess i will just stop right here or else am going to let myself talk crap.
oh yea, this is my latest post as i didnt blogging for such an extended time. its my lethargic thingy i think.. apparently, i knew there is nobody gonna read my blog anyways. hehe..
till next time. (i guess) . pray for my bright future life.
-awin-
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